I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Life is so much better after having sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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