Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
