Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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