i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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