dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
