so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
