Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
