remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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