I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
