There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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