I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
