Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
