Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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