Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
