Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
