Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
