no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
