Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
