he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
