Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
