I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
