I am puke
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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