Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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