I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
