ugly people sure do ruin things
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
