I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
