the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
