wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
