I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
