ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
