jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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