please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
