My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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