I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
