I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
