im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
