im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
