Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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