i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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