let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
