the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
