did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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