What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
