She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
