Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
