If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
