It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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