I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
