Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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