I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
