I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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