I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
