how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would fuck him just for his dog
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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