Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
