i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
