Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've blown a few things in my day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
