How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
