so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
