I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
