U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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