oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
