i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
