Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
