the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
