Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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