My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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