I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
