Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
