the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I understand Curling. That high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
