rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
