I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
