"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
