I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We just shotgunned beers for America
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
