last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
